My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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