the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
