i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
