READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
