I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
