Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
