My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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