hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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