Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
