In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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