He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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