WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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