Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
