he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
