i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
