So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
