Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
