Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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