if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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