her vagine was all disorganized.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
