peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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