he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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