Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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