If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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