I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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