i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
