so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
