I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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