she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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