I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
