I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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