and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
