u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize