I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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