my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
