I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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