Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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