He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
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It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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