Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
