I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The police scanner is talking about you again....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
