i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
