I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
