I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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