You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
