her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
