We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
