you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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