12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
