She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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