There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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