eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize