awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
