you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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