I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
