Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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