"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
