What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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