True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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