Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
