I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
