You don't have asthma, your pregnant
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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