In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
someone owes me an orgasm
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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