dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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